Once Upon a Tune
by William Easley
Summary: Soos asks Dipper for a little musical help. Read this and you'll immediately guess where my family reunion in Florida was held.


_I do not own the show GRAVITY FALLS or any of the characters; both are the property of the Walt Disney Company and of Alex Hirsch. I make no money from these stories but write just for fun and in the hope that other fans enjoy reading them. I will ask, please, do not copy my stories elsewhere on the Internet. I work hard on these, and they mean a lot to me. Thank you._

* * *

**Once Upon a Tune**

(July 24-25, 2017)

During the time when Mabel was off in Europe, being Maid of Honor at Grenda's wedding and then yachting on the Mediterranean ("We call it 'the Med,'" she later informed Pacifica), Dipper and Wendy learned about Soos's surprise addition to the Shack.

Wendy knew that for months, her dad had been logging somewhere in the area, but she hadn't known that he and his crew had been working in a tract about two miles from the Shack, in a forest on Mystery Shack land. Nor had she known that when the land was cleared, he and his carpentry crew had been hard at work building . . . something.

Dipper knew that Fiddleford had visited the Shack a lot that summer, but he didn't hang around for very long at a time before going off somewhere on his own. And he also knew that some of the students from Ford's Institute for the Study of Anomalous Sciences kept showing up, but they didn't seem interested in touring the Shack.

And then, the day after Mabel's departure, Soos had an odd rush request: "Dipper, dawg, can you, like, write me a song real fast? Like in a couple days or some junk? I'll pay you a hundred bucks."

"I could give it a try," Dipper said. "Uh—what kind of song?"

"Ford will give you the details," Soos said.

But all Ford did was hand Dipper a print-out with names of legendary monsters of the world in one column, with a country of origin in the other. "This is supposed to be a song?" Dipper asked.

"I leave that to your judgment," Ford told him.

Dipper glanced at the list, scratching his head: _Loch Ness Monster – Scotland; Spring-heeled Jack – England; Banshee – Ireland; Loup-garou – France; Basilisk – Germany,_ and the list went on for a couple of pages, including such oddities as the Skunk Ape, La Llorona, the Loveland Frog . . . some of these he'd read about, others were new to him. "A song," Dipper said.

Soos offered only a little more help: "You don't have to, like, mention all of these, dude. Just, you know, give the listener the impression that everywhere you look, there's, like, monsters and mysteries. And make it kind of an upbeat song, OK?"

As it happened, Robbie and Tambry were in town, and Dipper called Robbie in as a consultant and cowriter. "What's this for?" Robbie asked. He'd set up a small recording studio in his parents' basement—soundproofed, because people attending funerals or memorial services for friends and loved ones didn't always appreciate death-metal music coming up from the floor.

Tambry shook her head over the list. "These are just crazy names. I don't see how you can even rhyme them."

"Soos says we don't need all of them," Dipper said. "We can just pick and choose."

They tried a few melodies, with lyrics like

* * *

The Skunk Ape roams around the South,

The Loveland Frog has a great big mouth,

The Kraken swims in the deep dark sea,

In Ireland you hear the sad Banshee . . .

* * *

By Sunday they had a tune, and they recorded a demo with Tambry singing the lyrics. Soos liked them—Dipper suspected he'd like anything they produced—and then took a USB stick with the song on it and said he'd, like, loop it.

And then on Monday the gang came back from Europe and that night Stan had them all pile into the tram. "Get ready for a whole new experience!" he said. "Ordinarily this would cost you ten bucks a head, but this one is—fuh—fuh—on the house. Still can't say that F-R-E-E word."

Dipper, Wendy, Teek, and Mabel were right behind Soos; then Tambry and Robbie; Stan and Sheila, Ford and Lorena were next; and Melody and Little Soos were behind them. Abuelita had feared the experience might be too intense for little Harmony, so the two of them had remained behind.

The surprise came just past the Talking Rock, a standing stone with fake Native American petroglyphs chiseled on it. A new path had been bulldozed off to the right, and Soos swerved to follow it—and then they entered what looked like a covered bridge, on dry land.

Tiny fairy-lights provided some illumination. As they slowly drove inside, the music started—Dipper's and Robbie's tune, the demo version, thin and tinny. They passed small robotic figures of various monsters while Tambry sang about monsters and myths around the world.

"How long is this?" Dipper asked.

Over his shoulder, Soos said, "Nearly half a mile, dawg! The Shack's first dark ride!"

"Man," Robbie muttered, and Dipper knew what troubled him: The song wasn't very good or memorable.

At a slow creep, maybe three miles per hour, the ride took ten minutes, more or less. Then they emerged—and Dipper realized the "covered bridge" structure was like a huge donut. They came out only a few yards from the entrance, got back on the side trail, and then back to the Mystery Trail proper.

"My idea," Stan said proudly. "Got it down in Anaheim!"

"Mr. Pines," Robbie said, "please don't use that music track. We didn't know what it was for."

"We could do better," Dipper said.

"Have to record it tonight," Stan warned. "Soos is gonna debut this puppy tomorrow!"

"You up for it, Dipper?

"I'd rather do that then let it go with the demo," Dipper said.

Mabel was bouncing. "I'll sing with Tambry! Oh, and we'll call in Paz! She has a beautiful soprano!"

"I think I have a better idea for the tune, too," Dipper said. "We'll have to lay down some tracks—"

"I'll use the keyboard synthesizer," Tambry said. "We'll, like, layer it so it has a stronger sound!"

"I can run a sound board," Teek volunteered.

"I'll come along and help however I can," Wendy said. "Maybe play the tambourine!"

"One thing," Stan said. "No extra pay."

"What?" Dipper asked. "That's kind of unreasonable. Robbie's a pro, man!"

"I usually charge three hundred an hour for renting out my studio," Robbie said.

"The hundred bucks covers everything," Stan said firmly. "Final offer."

Robbie started to protest, but Dipper said, "We'll do it. What time do you need the new memory stick?"

"First tour's at nine-fifteen," Soos said. "But you guys—"

"Wait a minute," Robbie said.

"Robbie," Dipper said, "trust me on this."

* * *

And it took all night, and the next morning Dipper, Wendy, Mabel, Teek, Robbie, Tambry, and Pacifica were so punch-drunk with rehearsing and recording that they couldn't stop giggling. But they gave the music to Soos, he plugged it in—setting it on an endless loop—and at nine-fifteen that morning, he took twenty-one tourists (that worked out to $210 of extra income for the Shack, dawgs!) on the first tour.

And they heard the revised monsters and mysteries theme:

* * *

Monsters and mysteries all 'round the world,

'Neath every flag that has been unfurled,

Some are ghastly and grim,

And this song's one of them!

It's an earworm after all!

It's an earworm after all,

It's an earworm after all,

It will creep into your head

And you'll wish you were dead,

It's an earworm after all!

It slips through your ears and right inside your brain,

And it spins round and round and it drives you insane,

Such a strange little tune

Soon you are a loon,

It's an earworm after all!

* * *

And it looped. And looped. And looped.

It didn't sound _bad. _Mabel, Tambry, and Pacifica made a great girl trio, and with Dip and Robbie on the strings and Tambry at the keyboard, with layers of synthesized woodwinds, brass, and percussion, the music had depth and richness. And it certainly was jaunty!

But—it looped. And looped.

Back at the Shack, the culprits waited on the porch, worn-out but laughing when they thought of the chaos they'd caused. "Now Stan will pay you a decent amount just to write a good song!" Dipper said between guffaws.

"Pure genius, Doctor Funtimes!" Robbie chortled.

But then the tram came back. And twenty-one people were singing the song, with big goofy grins on their faces. And when they got off, they yelled at more tourists coming in: "You've got to take this ride!"

Soos high-fived them all. "Dudes! You, like, outdid yourselves! Hey, Robbie, I'll slip you the rental for your studio kind of private, OK? That was so perfect! We're gonna make a mint on this!"

For a few seconds the musicians and singers stood on the porch, just staring at each other.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry," Tambry said, holding Robbie's hand.

Robbie shrugged. "Hey, a gig's a gig!" He kissed her cheek.

"Yeah," Wendy said.

Dipper shrugged. "I think we might have created a monster, though."

"It's OK!" Pacifica chirped. "It's just an earworm, after all!"

And Mabel started to sing it, and they all joined in, but they couldn't even get through the chorus before they collapsed with giggles and tears of laughter.

At least Soos gave them the day off, so they all tried hard to catch up on sleep.

Hard to do with that damn tune running through their heads.

* * *

The End


End file.
